Collection of Old Poetry

so easy we thought
to find a weak spot 
how easy we were taught
pouring single words of love would be to 
reinforce an ideology 
that these simple things 
could fix a person

but now i wonder if:

would it be better to rip a chest open and plant a blossoming garden would be better then forcing shut a wound with treads of golden force

.

.

.
Pace, pace, pace

Rhythm of slapping feet

No where, no where

Oh I am just silent outside revenue

Tight throat;

Oh god I’m screaming

Validation, validated.

Please, daffodils, please

.

.

.

Words spoken as if

Vacant lots in a closed 
Down town

Was my manifest destiny

No means of translation 
Or altercations

Clear blue cruising day one

Sinking ships today

Tomorrow to today

“I love you I love you

Don’t forget that I love”

Seems a little bit more like

“I’m scared to let go”

.

.

.
Escaping an unraveling

Knotted tethered noose

Fingers clasped tightly

My grandmothers heart necklace

Throbbing little knots

Rug burn craving

Into weathered palms

Hold on just right.

.

.

.
Pressing my palms together

For a second searching for light

To fill fallen cracks with

Something that could fix it for some time

Waking mid-night to think again

About distant past memories

Tell myself once more

That this person I remember had past

I cover my naked cracks

Daffodils, pansies, and vermillion lilacs

I cover a stone statue 
With appearances of aliveness

A beautiful moment though is

When weeds begin to erode stone

Creating space between something once so cold

And replacing it with something so warm.

.

.

.

Throw me a line

Referring to the right word

Not the best nor

The worse at these things

Over and over

Pacing familiar halls

Opening and shutting

Similar feeling doors

Lock them once ajar

Self promises to

Never revisit this place

.

.

.

“Lipstick stained mugs

Breathe tinted with

Smoke and liquor

Sunsets and sunrises

Nothing more and nothing less

All I could ask from you is

Is to pour me a cup and lit the end

And stay for a chat ”

.

.

.

she had been a

forest craved out

set blazing bright

burnt and destroyed 

beauty and glory stolen

till one day

you met her at midnight

so careful to plant a new garden

.

.

.

“One day you’ll realize you can’t keep hating yourself

”
Peeled potatoes skins
”

Sliver slicing throw beige bodies

“You can’t hate yourself forever” 

11 and I have my first drink

A drink to forget turns into

Pills to not feel at 12

At 13, my stomach matches

The void of where a child use to be

And then 15 I fill myself with

Affections and love from forgien men

I am 18 now and I still am trying to

Figure out how to not hate myself

.

.

.

i am not a whole 
nor am i broken

but instead

I am many little people

strewn together

sometimes so tightly 
and in other

loose like lacey fabric 

i do not know how to feel about this

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Why You Should Practice Gratitude Right Now

Being grateful is important to changing your mindset and being able to create a much more positive approach to life. 

I remember once when I was younger and going through what was the hardest part of my life- my therapist once said to me: Being happy is some thing we do. It doesn’t come to you. While there are things that happen to us that are traumtic we have a chance everyday when we wake up- to make the effort to have a good day. 

Though- let’s be realistic, life is hard. Life throws curve balls, and I don’t agree that happiness is an all the time thing. (Actually- being happy all the time is unhealthy.) The reason is stuck out to me was where the conversation led to.

Mindset.

He spoke of how to try to create more happiness. He went onto saying that there is a tool to help you maintain a positive outlook when you wake up: Gratitude.

Gratitude is important because you count your blessing. You focus on what is going right. You focus on what you do have, and not what you DON’T have. It creates a more positive self talk, and reminds you of what’s great about your life.

Tips and Hints on Law of Attraction

Yes, I went to Rehab and it’s none of your business.

When you put your business online- you are going to be critized once and awhile. In my time of being a blogger I’ve had my fair share of not so great fed back. Some people don’t accept my spiritual and religious approach, and some people don’t agree with my approach to recovery. My maturity is to the point where at time I can accept to agree to disagree.

When it comes to writing about addiction- I can get protective. It has been for a long time my most sensitive topic. For the longest time talking about my own addiction has brought me a great deal of shame, and have for a long time worked towards keeping distance from it. It has taken a great amount of healing to discuss it openly.

For awhile I got nothing but positivity about, support about it, and kind words about it. But recently my worse nightmare occurred.

Someone used it against me.

For about a day it put me in a bad mood, a funk, and could feel myself getting lower, lower, lower. The truth is- it struck me really, really hard. 

Though the real truth is- it’s not your business. It’s no one freaking business but MINE. While I write about recovery and my experience- it’s no ones but my business to talk about. If my words help you, I have done my job. But if you want to use it against me- have fun because your input is irrelvant. 

Whether or not I did go- it’s not your topic to bring. It’s not your business to spread. An addicts story is theirs to talk about- it’s not for you or about you. 

Here are Five Ways to Brighten Your Day

A lot of coaches or spiritualist talk about mindset, mindset, mindset. 

“Mindset is key to everything”

“As long as your have the right mindset you’ll succeed”

The frustrating part is that they never tell you 1) what the right mindset is 2) how to achieve this mindset. Often the only reply is “think positively”. Which sure, that seems like great advice but if it were that simple- than I probably would not pay you hand over fist to have a coaching session with you.

I’m going to tackle the “positive thinking” aspect of this issue, and in another blog post I’ll tackle mindset more deeply.

Now you can try to be as positive as possible, but you’re going to run into one issue: some days it’s just going to be IMPOSSIBLE. Why? Because it’s really just not human to always have the perfect energy and positive attitude. If anyone tells you it is, they’re lying to you. They’re hiding one vital truth: when they are having a rough day they retreat to these five tricks:

1.) Music. 

It doesn’t matter what genre they listen to- as long as they can vibe to it and it speaks to them. I mean, even with me when I’m having a bad day I put my radio on a jam out. Dance, sing, and jam until my heart is completely content.

2.) Rest.

Yep, rest is so vital. A lot of people will tell you to push through the mental blockage. This is horrible advice. The best thing to do when you are having a hard day is to just slow down and take everything second by second.

3.) Being Mindful.

Any good spiritualist knows a bad day is clearly a day to get in touch with everything around them. Being able to feel the earth beneath you, the smells around you, truly taste food and drinks will bring you back into reality and take you out of that funk you’ve sunk into.

4.) Nature.

Now this one isn’t always possible, especially if you live in an area like I do that half the year it’s gloom and doom, but letting the sun shine on your skin is such a great way to start your day right or to be able to shake some dust off your day. Good weather is fantastic for recharging your energy.

5.) Affirmations.

Affirmations are a great way to start working on a long term goal of fixing your inner voice. Speaking positive things out loud to yourself is a great way to slowly rid of that negative self talk- which is one of the greatest ways to creat self restrictive attitudes.

These are my first go to tactics when I’m feeling a little blue. 

What You Should Know About Recovery 

Recovery from mental illness and addiction is a highly hot seat topic- but it’s one that needs to be discussed. Beyond being a rough conversation since it’s such an emotional topic- it’s a very complicated topic. There are so many studies, so many treatments, and a HUGE gap in open mindedness. 
So what’s the truth about it? Recovery comes with a lot of ugliness. It comes with varied truths. It comes with such a vast amount of work. When I was in college for Addiction Therapy there was a plethora of studies, case files, and text I had to read from. There were a lot of nights where I would stay up into the middle of the night combing through my textbooks to find answers.
You want to know the hard truth about recovery? There is no catch all, no strict path you can take.  There will be no catch all, be all. And you want to know what, it’s going to take a couple times to figure out what works for you. It’s going to be a whirl wind of let’s down and disappointment.
Besides from my education- I’ve spent a long time trying to figure out what way is up and what way is down. I had to figure out from there, which way would work for me. Let me tell you, that itself was a project that took years. 
It took me awhile to trust myself, than to believe in myself, and then to act on it. It was lessons, on lessons, and on lessons. It was constantly picking myself up off the ground, and then having to forgive myself for what felt like the stupidest mistakes.
The truth about recovery though- is that you have the find the truth about yourself. It’s finding your authenticity- exploring it, and then growing it. It’s something only you can truly find out for yourself. 

5 Lessons I Learned From Recovery

After enduring a traumatic childhood that subjected me to both a gnarly drug addiction and eating disorder- it wasn’t until I dedicated myself to my recovery that I found two things: 1) relief 2) how to start living.

I’ve talked before about what it’s like to be six years clean, but there are a couple lessons that I hold dearly to me and if your recovering from anything it could help you too.

Recovery isn’t just for addicts- anyone can go through a moment where they need to refocus, recharge, and restart in their life. 

So here it is, my five lessons to pass on to you:

1. Breathe.

In the last six years of being clean I had convinced myself that the only way I would make it through is if I held my breathe and just shoved myself through what felt like air right cracks. All this did though was lead me to multiple internal crisis incidents (shout out to my friends and family for putting up with my breakdowns with such grace) and a lot of lost time. It’s okay to take a moment to breathe and collect yourself.

2. Cut Those Ties

We all know drug friends or narcissist friends are just SO great and SO hard to replace, but when it comes to shedding our skin it’s also time to shed some friends. We associate people with time and events- and if these people are at the center of the problems it’s most likely a sign this friendship or relationship has very much expired. 

3. Find Your Niche

The less free time you have the best in the beginning- having a project or hobby that really fills you with joy is a good place to start in recovery. 

My now business stemmed from just that- a recovery project. When I started going through my process of getting clean and sober I started blogging about lifestyle and spirituality- and now look, it’s what I do for a living.

4. Groups aren’t the enemy.

Groups are such a vital part of recovery- and when I first got clean I refused to participate. It’s odd to look back and think , “how did I ever think no one would get it?!” 

Groups are great for keeping you reminded that you’re not alone and that their are people who get you. It gives you a network in case you are feeling weak- and brings you together with like minded people.

Groups are great because you can even join them anonymously on the web through chats and forums.

5. Don’t Wait To Start Living

Dude- worse mistake. You don’t have to be a certain amount past in your recovery to deserve some relaxation. With recovery- every day sober or “”moved”” on should be a mini celebration- otherwise recovery is met with the attitude of it being a chore.
Sincerely ,

Alexis DiOrio

(For topic requests please email me at Alexis.DiOrio1996@gmail.com)

Simple Self-Care Acts to Change Your Day

“I am a mom on a mission” has been my most used phrase lately- because really, my wheels never stop going. But after my recent vacation from work and social media I left with a lot of very, very important lessons. One was- the importance of really making sure my self-care routine is respected.

For the first year of my son’s life- man, did I really stop taking care of myself. There were times where I forgot when the last time a bathe was. Yikes, right?

So the last month I have dedicated myself to my self-care, but what if you’re on the go, busy bee?

One thing I do for myself is make sure my hair is done, my face is clean, and my teeth are brushed. You’re probably like, “wow that’s gross you have to remind yourself to do this.” But I’ve noticed that these three things are often popularly forgotten and need to put on higher respect.

If you suffer from depression- you probably understand this all to well. It is often to easily put off to the side for us who have depression. So how do I fit my minimalist self care into my life?

I made a 10 minute routine because the faster the better. Sometimes I even do all of them in the shower so all of it is taken care of at once. (Yes you heard that, I even brush my hair in the shower.) I motivate myself by telling myself that yes, I WILL feel damn well better after I do this. This is also repeated right before bed- minus the shower. Why? Because it’ll lend hand in starting the day feeling just a little less gross.

Another way to fit in a small but effective self care act is vitamins. I pledge allegiance to the magically power of vitamins. We’ve all tried to eat nutritionally, but even when we try we still don’t always manage to get the right amount of vitamins into our body- and man ever since I started taking my vitamins (I take 12 a day!) I have had more energy, my skin is better, my hair has grown like a weed, and my nails are longer than ever.

Nutrition is often forgotten when we discuss self-care- we will usually discuss the frills and decor of what self-care is- taking bubble baths, doing facial masks, and painting our nails- but that is not realistic daily self-care. This is not what gets us day to day- these are what I consider- luxury self-care.

One of my favorite ways to practice self care is to protect my mental status with grounding and mindfulness. Taking a second to remind myself that I am actually alive and not a zombie going through the motions. Taking ten minutes max to truly feel something and just be is the most important thing to me- out of all the things I have mentions. I will literally take a minute and smell these goddamn roses!