mantra

Why You Need To Embrace Bad Feelings

It could a general concensus that we are all completely and utterly over 2016. For most of us it could easily be said to be one of the hardest years. It was a year of sudden change- and some of us saw that in loss and tragedy.

For me, this year was long and hard. It has seemed to hit me hard every time I have gotten back up from the next one- it has tested my endurance as not only a business owner, but as a person.

One of the many, many lessons I learned to just embrace my feelings. In my gut I would get feelings- but then push them off as nothing. This in the end- one was of my deepest issues that this year has definitely put to bed.

When I learned how to just simply embrace and feel my feelings life seemed to go much better. And yes- this means my anger.

Somewhere in my life the idea that if I ignored my negative feelings then I wouldn’t ACTUALLY be feeling that way- and this become a deadly poison of my life. In doing this, I was actually holding onto my issues for longer, letting them fester until I popped.

So, while there were a lot of moments in this long year I was angry (and oh yes, I am an angry person) I perpetually let it fester- thinking that this was a way to deal with it.

But recently, it’s clear to me that this is wrong. Wrong in so many level. So my advice?

Feel your anger, feel your despair, FEEL anything. And actually live in the moment. Don’t act on it- but feel it so you can release it. Your feels and energy you get are indictors of your text moves and what needs to go or stay.

How I Changed My Life- For the Best

For people who know me, they can testify for me about what a large life transformation I’ve gone through the last two years. I am much healthier, much happier, and so much more balanced. It’s taken me a really long time since getting clean to really detox from the addict mindset.

Even with being clean there was still that tricky, I-Am-More-Clever-Than-You attidude I had, which had a deadly mixture with all avoidance of the fact that I was in fact an addict.

After I quit- I thought that was the freeing card. No more work- what a fool was I ! Yes- that is right, my mind set was once I was clean it would all slowly fall into place.

So wrong- so totally freaking wrong.

It took me almost 6 long years to learn that if the change I wanted was to come- it was going to have to be achieved through my own sweat, blood, and tears.

So how did I change my life? I accepted I had fucked up- yes I fucked up. And to be honest- I was still messing up pretty bad.

When I finally did that- I was able to look into the mirror and really, really examine my choices and behaviors. And what struck me was: Even though I wasn’t using, I was still acting like an active addict.

It was now time to release all of those behaviors and self defeating thoughts I let clutter my life.

And that is what changed my life. Taking a real close look at myself in the mirror and not liking who I still was.

The Day of a Spiritual Momma

If you don’t know, I’m a young mother to a beautiful little boy who recently turned one. When my journey began I hadn’t ever thought a child was apart of my plan, especially at the age of 18. But he is a blessing, a light in my life that wasn’t expected. My experience with the divine and sacred motherhood was healing, uplifting, and powers me. It is powerful, and their is no bond, no understanding like the one between child and mother.

But days can be long and hard- sometimes I am faced with emotional blocks and physical fatigue that I’ve never knew could be possible.

5 am: Wake up- my breakfast for husband and his lunch, start coffee, drink water.

5:45 am: Yoga to soft music.

6:20 am: Read clients and/or work on blog posts and/or newsletter

7:30: Make morning smoothie, make son’s breakfast, wake son up.

8:00: Spend time with son, reply to emails and messages as they come in.

11:00: Feed son, put him down for nap time, make myself another meal, drink water, spend time in reflecting. Fit clients in as needed.

12:00-3:00: teach my son, play games, nurture him.

3:20: Greet husband, watch them play and interact, make wholesome dinner. Celebrate and talk about our days together.

4:00 Shower, cleanse myself, take time to reflect again. Through out my day I try to reflect and consider things- afterwards I fit replies and emails in.

7:00: Bedtime. This can sometimes take awhile since we do not believe in CIO. After this I relax, and reconnect with my husband and attend to more business.

Beginning of a Spiritual Life Pt. 3

Part of my own spiritual adventure was recovering from traumas. I went through a lot of therapy and counseling as a child- still with that I struggled to really observe, process, and heal from it. There was still some sort of anger, remorse, self-blame, and most importantly: I didn’t understand why. Why was the biggest issue.

You’ll never hear me say: “Rape is God’s plan!” or “God throws the hard balls to those he think can handle it!”

Because that isn’t true- but spirituality helped me understand that I could come back from it. It helped me understand that there was nothing I could do but move forward, because it did not defeat me. I DID nothing. I DIDN’T deserve it. Most importantly, I could channel my energy into something more productive.

During my Theories of Chemical Dependency and Abuse class in college there was a Chapter called: The mixing puzzle piece. The Chapter reviewed the lacking element in any Recovery from a controlled substance: the health of the spiritual side. I think it may be a very important piece of recovery, people who are recovering need a lot of healing, a lot of balancing, and need to focus on staying and being grounded.

Spirituality is all about giving what you get, and understanding the give and take behavior of the Universe. Especially with someone recovering from drugs- understanding the idea that feeding into negativity only breeds more negativity is vital to moving forward. While yes, therapy teaches, I feel as though when you BELIEVE in these word, these idea, these boundaries it makes for a more divine, and profound recovery.

Beginning my spiritual path meant one thing for me: finally surrendering that I was not always in control and that it is okay to not always be in control.

Waxing Moon: Gemini

Moon in Gemini:

You’ll be needing to keep busy with all the Gemini energy coming to you. This is a time when you will get a new desire to go out and there and be chatty. An excellent time to re-connect with old friend. But beware– the duality of the twins also can bring irritability. You’re going to be superficial with housework– likely to float around and lounge around. One moment you could be texting on the phone to a friend and the other moment cuddled up in anger. You’re going to be quick in your chatter, but don’t let your indecisive mindset to shut out what others have to say.

Waxing Moon in Gemini:

With the Waxing Moon paired with Gemini it’s a wonderful time to start new writing ideas, opening lines of ties of communication, a great time to start some creative yet structured ideas. It’s also a great time to re-connect with people outside of your domestic life. You’ll get a strong start to all your projects and ideas. Very great time for starting the thought process of a brand new life style– just be wary on depending to much on you lightness or having your ideas weighed down by moodiness.

What to do during this Moon Phase:

Start a journal, read looks of books– look at magazines, tutorials, and newsletter, go out and meet new people, join a support group or social group. Throw a party with friends– go out and be social! Fantastic time to get to know people.

Cleansed Mind.

The cleansing fire of Spirit
consumes the troubles of this world.
Feed your concerns to the fire.
Breathe deeply and rejoice.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Throw your fears, worries, and anxiety to the wind.

Crumble your anxiety behind you.

You do not have to feel down, for wanting to go up.

You deserve to be free, be happy, be loved.

You can move forward, you WILL move forward.

Take a second to look within:

Courage, strength, loyalty.

You are that, not your failures and outside forces.

Find balance. Find happiness. Let it go.

Let yourself feel the warmth of this world, our world, YOUR world.