For people who know me, they can testify for me about what a large life transformation I’ve gone through the last two years. I am much healthier, much happier, and so much more balanced. It’s taken me a really long time since getting clean to really detox from the addict mindset.
Even with being clean there was still that tricky, I-Am-More-Clever-Than-You attidude I had, which had a deadly mixture with all avoidance of the fact that I was in fact an addict.
After I quit- I thought that was the freeing card. No more work- what a fool was I ! Yes- that is right, my mind set was once I was clean it would all slowly fall into place.
So wrong- so totally freaking wrong.
It took me almost 6 long years to learn that if the change I wanted was to come- it was going to have to be achieved through my own sweat, blood, and tears.
So how did I change my life? I accepted I had fucked up- yes I fucked up. And to be honest- I was still messing up pretty bad.
When I finally did that- I was able to look into the mirror and really, really examine my choices and behaviors. And what struck me was: Even though I wasn’t using, I was still acting like an active addict.
It was now time to release all of those behaviors and self defeating thoughts I let clutter my life.
And that is what changed my life. Taking a real close look at myself in the mirror and not liking who I still was.