A Letter From A Girl In The DBDC

Dear Society,

At a young age I joined the Dead Beat Dad Club, and that is something I am not ashamed nor remorseful to say this. You might find this as me “”dad shaming””, but that is something that doesn’t bother me. My father is a dead beat, and there is no way around that. Typically I wouldn’t be so blunt, but you society need to hear the truth about us girls in Dead Beat Dad Club.

Our accomplishments are not our father’s- meaning that not having my father around did not fuel my success. Telling me that despite not having a father I did great- is not a compliment. It’s an insult to me. It’s rude and takes my power away from me. How though? Because whether or not he was here- that was all me. All of it is me- and by saying that you take my credit away. You’re allowing him to have a right to say that I- at some level- was a product of him.

A man that never could manage to make it to my milestones: my first band and chorus recital, my first play, my proms, my graduation, never met my husband, and never made the effort to even ask about his first grandchild. This is a man that never cheered me on, and for the last 4 years, has never made a real effort to contact me.

Yet, you will give him the credit. For the sake of everything that is holy- stop saying he taught me how to rely on myself because I DID that. Stop saying he helped me learn how to survive, because my MOMMA did that. Don’t keep saying that he’s the reason I push myself, because that would have meant he needed to be there for me.

I am the member of the DBDC and in the end, he had nothing to do with me and therefore, I have nothing to do with him. This is the life I created, and I could ended up any way with or without him. When I date good men, it’s not because I am trying to replace my father, it is because I deserve a good man. When I turn a good man down, it doesn’t men I can’t accept love it is because I have no interest in that man. When I fail, it’s not a reflection on having a father or not having a father and when I succeed there is no way you will ever hear me say it’s because he taught me how to push myself and rely myself due to his absence

Because in my eyes, I don’t even have a father.

Sincerely,

A Self-Made Woman.

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